Brokenness

I hate brokenness. Someone I care about deeply is hurting in ways that I never imagined they could. It makes my heart ache inside as I feel their pain. It feels foreign and wrong-- like we were intended for something so much better, but we are stuck on this broken planet, breaking ourselves in the process.
This morning I sat on the bathroom floor and cried as I felt their pain; and as I cried, I felt God crying with me. I told Him, "God, I will do anything to help this person", and in my heart, I heard Him say, "So would I".

I have been reflecting on this song that Chris has been listening to a lot lately. It's called "Sorrow", by Bad Religion. I wouldn't expect to find deep insights on God or life from Bad Religion normally, but this song is special. In the video, he is broadcasting this song all around the world, and the lyrics say, "When the only true Messiah rescues us from ourselves, its easy to imagine: There will be sorrow no more."

He will wipe away all tears from their eyes; there will be no more death, and no more mourning or sadness. The world of the past is gone. (Revelation 21:4)

It's gonna be alright. Someday, it's gonna be alright.

I Just Found Heaven

Heaven, it turns out, can be found 2 blocks from our office, on Octavia Street. A friend & I were walking down the street today-- a walk I've taken many-a-time-- when we noticed a little confiserie, which is apparently French for "Heaven" (actually, it means a confectionery, or a candy store, if you really want to take the romance out of it).
It was called Miette (which means crumb), and if Willy Wonka had a hip Aunt with incredible style & taste, this would have been her store. It was a wonderland of mason jars filled with candy, tables of exotic chocolate, and a case of tiny treats-- gourmet cupcakes, bitty macaroons, tartlettes. I felt a sort of sacredness come over me when we walked inside-- even the music was ethereal.
We literally stood with our mouths open for about a minute taking it all in.
I ended up buying a tiny piece of spicy Aztec chocolate with pumpkin seeds in it (I know, sounds weird, but you would have bought it if you had been there, too!).

I looked up their website and you can rent out the store for children's birthday parties-- complete with a ballerina , a pony ride, and custom decorations & candies.
I'm tellin' you, this place was heaven =)

The Joy of Plants

Chris & I were gone for about 2 1/2 months this summer (gosh, just writing that kinda hurts), and we left our plants with some friends to plant-sit. We finally remembered to get them back last night, and it's incredible how alive and warm our apartment feels now!
Chris brought me back some flowers from his trip to Costco yesterday (flowers from Costco may not sound romantic, but let me tell you, he did a great job!). A friend also brought a tiny bouquet of flowers from her yard to the party last night, and they are sitting in my antique CocaCola glass on the table.
Our place has been magically transformed, and today feels more alive than yesterday =)

Ghetto Martha Stewart

Back when I was living in Compton, some friends gave me the title of Ghetto Martha Stewart (or GMS). It was partly because I literally lived in the Hood, and partly because I would sometimes get aspirations a little beyond my abilities. Once I made a super fancy cake for a Christmas party, but frosted it before it was cooled. The result was that it slid off the plate on the drive there, and ended up sitting on the floor of my ghetto ride (an '89 Buick LeSabre-- I used to ride in style). There was nothing to do when I arrived but brush off the carpet fuzz and serve it. Nobody knew-- don't tell.
So anyways, now that I'm 29, I was kinda hoping I had outgrown the "Ghetto" part of GMS, but sometimes I'm not sure.
Yesterday was Chris' birthday, and I definitely got caught in some aspirations that were beyond my abilities (actually, they were more beyond my time limits, but that' s kinda the same thing).
I made the mistake of beginning to paint the hallway a few days before hosting a party at our house. The morning of the party rolled around, and everything was still taped up, but not finished. So rather than leaving well enough alone, I decided to finish painting the day of the party. I ended up with only enough paint for one coat, making my nice latte beige a kind of peach color (it really needs another coat). I noticed, half-way into the party, that I left the tape on the ceiling. Oops. Who invited GMS to the party?
I also tried to make Chris this funny shirt for his birthday. After an hour of cursing the computer & trying to print out the little iron-on design, Chris came home to see all the pieces of the present scattered around the room. Ummm, surprise. Happy Birthday, from GMS.
I baked an apple pie & a carrot cake for the party, upon Chris' request. I forgot to add half of the oil to the cake (long story-- I was getting frazzled), and almost left the pie in the oven for an extra 2 hours to "warm". Sheesh.
All in all, though, the party turned out great, the cake didn't miss the oil (maybe it was the 6 pounds of butter & cream cheese in the frosting!), the pie turned out lovely, and everyone had a great time.
Oh, Chris did serve a few people regular espressos when they asked for decaf. Is there a male equivalent to GMS =)

Angry Mime

I keep meaning to share with the world about my Angry Mime experience at Ghirardelli Square. Over the weekend, Chris & I went down the the Warf to enjoy the sunshine & watch the tourists. As with any tourist area, there are all kinds of street performers, and you can always find a handful of those creepy mimes painted all silver to look like a statue. Well, one of the creepy mimes was "off duty" while his friend was doing the statue thing, so I thought it would be nice to just smile at the guy as we walked by to let him know that someone in the world recognized his humanity (that he was more than just an attraction on the street).
As I smiled, he started cussing me out! He just started yelling at me and calling me all kinds of names and (worst of all!) making fun of Gavin, our dog. He was spewing hatred and venom as I have seen few people do to a total stranger!
It was so very odd & ironic (not just that I smiled to make his day better, but because he's a mime... yelling!) that I just burst out laughing. He didn't like that very much, and just kept swearing at me as I was whisked away into the crowd, laughing harder & harder.
Weird.

East of Eden

A friend was recently telling me about how she and her husband decided that they spend too much time in front of the television. They started playing card games together, putting together puzzles, and reading books out loud together.
That last one sounded great to me, and for the last several weeks, Chris & I have promised ourselves that we would take one night a week to read a book together. We had thought we would read a book on marriage, or a good spiritual book, but tonight at dinner, East of Eden caught my eye on the book shelf.

Now, East of Eden is (besides the Bible, of course) the best book I have ever read (and re-read, and re-re-read). Our staff team got me a first edition copy for my birthday, and this lovely green book was staring at me from the bookshelf, almost audibly asking to be read.

So Chris & I spent the evening on the couch, while I read out loud from East of Eden. I thought we would take turns, but once I started reading, I didn't want to stop. It was therapeutic. There is something so deep and rich about this book, and I have read it so many times that it was like sharing a part of my soul, and it felt so good.

Growing up, both my mom & my dad would read out loud to me. Even through high school, my parents and I would read books together, and it was almost a sacred time together. It was a beautiful thing tonight to get to share that with Chris, and let him be a part of my world in that way. I can't believe we've never thought of it before...

I'm an Italian Goddess!

Yesterday afternoon, I got a strange craving for spaghetti and meatballs. This happens from time to time, and I just need to follow my craving. So, I decided that it was really important to make spaghetti and meatballs from scratch.
Chris indulged me in my obsession, and several hours later (and a trip to Trader Joe's) we sat down to a feast of garlic, herb & parmesan breadsticks, tangy home made marinara sauce, turkey meatballs with Pancetta & sun dried tomatoes, pasta, and red wine.
Let me tell you, it was amazing. And, if I do say so myself, I think I'd make a pretty good Italian =)