This week, I ended a 9 year, rocky, turbulent relationship. After trying everything I could to make it work, after having loved ones point out the glaring truth, after ignoring the bad & embracing the good for far too long... I finally succumbed to the sad, painful reality...
...and took out my nose ring.
Now, I know that it's really just jewelery, and that it doesn't define who I am, but I confess (feeling a little embarrassed as I do) that it feels like I lost a little piece of me.
I've never been one to wear loud, flashy clothes, and don't feel the need to stand out in a crowd (which would be a difficult feat in San Francisco), but having a sense of individuality & self expression is important to me-- something small that says "This who I am. This is me, and I am different from the rest".
What is that desire, and where does it come from? Is it ego, insecurity, rebellion, or vanity? While there may be ribbons of each of those running through it, it seems more like something living inside, that is important to express. And for some strange reason, that little piece of jewelry did that perfectly: a tiny sparkle of fun, spunk & sass; noticeable, but not flashy; edgy, but not tough & rebellious. Gosh, I loved that silly nose ring.
But, alas, it did not love me back, and after nine year of different remedies & solutions, I faced the reality that it was red & irritated almost as often as it was cute & sparkly.
What's a girl to do? I suppose I will have to face my thirties dull & boring, squelching the creative spark that lives inside-- retreating to the suburbs to buy a house with a picket fence, and spending my days scrubbing floors & watching soap operas.
Actually, I plan on dyeing my hair pink again this weekend-- which is a great consolation, but still not quite the same.