I can remember the first time I laid eyes on Chris. I saw him from across the crowded ball room-- sparks flew, heart beats quickened, and thought to myself, "I've got to meet Ryan's friend."
Sadly, within about 30 seconds, I decided that he was a twelve year old, trapped in a college student's body, and was embarrassed that I had even been attracted to him. Oh, and the crowded ball room was also an ugly conference room in an outdated hotel, filled with loud, hyperactive college students. Not quite your Cinderella moment. It wasn't until two years later that I lay awake in my bed, realizing that I was in love with Chris Kernaghan, and it would be another three years after that until I actually married him.
Sometimes Love at First Sight takes a long time to develop.
Now, I'm told that I am about to experience a love like I have never known before. They say that all the pain, exhaustion, and trauma of labor (yikes!) simply evaporates the moment that little bundle of joy hits your arms. It's difficult to imagine.
When I first saw those two pink little lines on the home pregnancy test, I didn't feel much-- except for maybe a slight "Oh God, what did I just get myself into?". I assumed that in nine months of pregnancy, I would develop a love, excitement & bond with the little critter growing inside of me. But, although there have been moments of connection & tenderness, for the most part, I would still say that it all feels pretty surreal.
The thought that in a few days time, I will experience an insane "First Sight" kind of love seems hard to fathom. It took me years to fall in love with Chris, and I'm told that, within a blink of an eye, my entire life & identity with change-- that somewhere inside of me is a capacity to love something like I've never loved anything before. Where is that, I wonder? Where does it come from, and how does something so intense spring up in an instance?
As my discomfort increases and I tick off the days until my due date (which I'm told is only a time line for disappointment, when you crawl your way right past it), I have to remind myself that I'm not waiting to be un-pregnant-- I'm actually going to have a child. It still makes my head spin.
I tried so hard to keep my feet on the ground when, after my years of waiting, I finally snagged that guy I saw from across the crowded "ballroom". Sadly, I have to admit that I was a ridiculous mess. I was smitten, twitterpated. It was disgusting. It was wonderful. And so I apologize in advance for the obsessive Romeo & Juliet fog that I am about to enter. From what I hear, that's just the way is goes with Love at First Sight.